Of course, deciding to be more vulnerable isn’t about oversharing, disrespecting privacy, or always “putting it all out there” with your partner. Vulnerability IS about telling the truth—not only to your loved ones but to yourself, too. Figs O’Sullivan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #79062) and the founder of Empathi. For 17 years he has helped couples move out of disconnection and back into secure, loving connection, drawing on Emotionally Focused Therapy and attachment science. His approach has guided more than 58,000 relationship assessments.

If Your Partner Hurts You, Let Them Know

Vulnerability in relationships is often where trust deepens, laughter feels lighter, and even silence holds meaning. Lurie explains that being vulnerable can help us no longer feel weighed down by fear and shame, or whatever it is we’re carrying. Our vulnerability is a way to foster connections, even when our shame may be telling us we don’t deserve it. They also reminded me that I had people in my life whom I can depend on. When we take emotional risks, there’s nothing worse than feeling like we’re left with no one in our corner. That’s why turning to your trusted confidants can help give you the courage you need to be vulnerable in your relationship.

These fears are entirely valid, but they’re also a part of the risk that comes with love. The truth is, we can never fully control how someone will respond to our vulnerability. But by holding back, we miss out on the opportunity for true connection. If your partner truly cares about you, they’ll appreciate your openness and likely respond in kind. Without vulnerability, relationships often feel shallow. You might share surface-level conversations, but the deep emotional connection is lacking.

Four Tangible Steps You Can Take To Make Vulnerability A Priority

They ensure that vulnerability is shared at a pace comfortable for both partners. Societal norms and gender roles can discourage vulnerability, branding it as a sign of weakness. These norms stifle emotional expression, hindering open, authentic communication. Challenging these expectations is vital for embracing vulnerability as an essential aspect of human connection, as emphasized by Brene Brown. Our reasons for avoiding being vulnerable are deeply personal and specific to our unique experience.

• Emotional vulnerability is most often felt as anxiety about being rejected, shamed, or judged as inadequate.
• The fear of rejection weighs heavily on us in these situations.
• This is why individual healing, while valuable, is never sufficient for relational repair.
• Because you cannot be loved for the part of you that performs.

Being vulnerable is a risk, but it pays dividends in our relationships by allowing others to get close to us and know us more fully. Even if it doesn’t come naturally to you, it is possible to learn how to be vulnerable by practicing small acts of emotional bravery whenever and wherever possible. The truth is, part of being vulnerable is accepting the risk of getting hurt. That means we can’t always wait for a situation where we’re perfectly safe or know for certain that we won’t get judged or rejected. As Muñoz points out, people begin to struggle with vulnerability because they fear getting hurt—typically in the form of other people’s rejection, judgment, or betrayal.

Not every relationship is a safe container for our tenderest parts. But over time, with support and reflection, we can begin to recognize when we are operating from old fears—and make space for something new. Vulnerability becomes less like a threat and more like a gesture of care. If our partner is responsive, it can be deeply reparative.

A 2019 study indicates that when we’re vulnerable with our partners and receive a supportive response from them, this can increase levels of intimacy. Intimacy is the level of closeness we feel with people, and when you’re vulnerable about your emotions and feelings, your relationship may strengthen. In relationships, vulnerability fosters empathy and deeper connections. Imagine sharing a childhood trauma with your partner instead of hiding it.

Partners who embrace being vulnerable often find that they communicate better. This kind of openness promotes more effective conversations, helping you and your partner express needs and feelings with clarity. By maintaining this open dialogue, many couples find they can tackle misunderstandings or conflicts more smoothly. Imagine a disagreement where both parties can openly share their feelings – it becomes easier to find common ground and work through issues together.

You’re making your feelings and opinion about that other person known. And some people might be annoyed that you’re “rocking the boat” or whatever. So, if someone isn’t showing you they can be trusted with your emotions and feelings, you don’t need to continue letting them in to hurt you. These four strategies all allow Dana to be vulnerable.

Start sharing these things with your partner, but also the other people in your life. Vocalize your emotions to become more aware of them. This could be because facebook.com they were neglected, abandoned, shamed, or rejected in the past when they were vulnerable.

We learned how to relate from our earliest relationships. We absorbed how our parents saw and treated us, themselves, and others. Limitations in our environment or ruptures in our childhood relationships gave us a model for how we now see ourselves and the world around us. For example, if we had a rejecting or neglectful parent, we may see ourselves as a burden or intrusion. If we had a parent who was critical or flew off the handle, we may walk on eggshells and keep to ourselves. Whatever the circumstance, the message most of us internalize is that “it’s not okay to just be me.” We grew up believing, to varying degrees, that something about us is flawed or shameful.

Get A Reality Check

We may begin to put on a brave face, act indifferent, suppress emotions, or step into a role meant to protect ourselves from these risks. Originally, we developed our defenses to protect ourselves when we were dependent and helpless, and felt overwhelmed by the hurt of being rejected or ignored or not getting our needs met. But ultimately, they lead us astray, because as adults we can tolerate pain and frustration. Being defended and unwilling to be vulnerable hurts our connections to others. When your partner asks about your day, don’t simply respond “It was fine.” Give them details about the thoughts and feelings you had during the day. Change this and become more emotionally available to your partner.